September 21, 2012

The Phone Call

On the Monday after the big Baptism weekend, I headed back to the midwife for another blood draw to check my numbers. It was a quick, in and out appointment and they told me to call back tomorrow afternoon for the results.  I had readjusted to the idea that I was still pregnant and was doing everything in my power to remain that way, including religiously taking prenatals, going completely off caffeine, and taking it as easy as possible with four children on summer vacation.  It was kind of an afterthought that I called the next day.

The receptionist answered and I told her the reason for my call.  She didn't put me on hold to retrieve the information.  On a side-note, to all receptionists out there who work in medical offices, please put people on hold before discussing their devastating news with your colleagues.   She chatted about my HCG numbers with someone else for a good two minutes before someone had the sense to hit the hold button.  By that time, however, I was done. I knew what my numbers had been before, and from where they were now, it was over. Hope was lost and I was done.  The smart receptionist picked up the line, promised a phone call from the midwife and sure enough, 30 minutes later the phone rang.

Have I mentioned that I love my midwife?  I don't think that I could have made it through this whole ordeal if it hadn't been for her.  She was not cold and unfeeling, nor did she cry over the phone with me, but she told me what I needed to know in a way that I needed to hear it, interspersed with the occasional, "I'm so sorry."  She called almost every day that week just to check on me, and commiserated with me, having had a miscarriage of her own. If your in the Salt Lake Valley and looking for a fantastic midwife, email me and I send you her info. I will recommend her up and down for the rest of my life.

Over the phone that afternoon, she gave me my options.  I went for the quickest, least invasive one and she gave me the details. Then I laid in bed and watched Gilmore Girls for the rest of the day. I credit Gilmore Girls with my sanity that day.  I think if I hadn't had some thing amusing to take my mind off of everything I would have gone completely crazy.  And at one point that afternoon Tayleigh and Seth climbed in bed with me. Usually snuggling in bed consists of maybe 10 minutes of snuggling and evolves into either a tickle fight, or me kicking them out because they just can't hold still.  But that day, both laid snuggled up next to me, quietly for over an hour.  It was exactly the reminder that I needed, that even though I had lost something, I still had 4 wonderful little bodies to hold and adore.



Erin said...

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad your kids were able to give you what you needed that day. Thinking of you.

Omgirl said...

I'm so sorry, Rachel. I have had a miscarriage and a life-threatening ectopic pregnancy, and it just plain SUCKS. :( I hope your healing time won't be too long, but if it is, don't rush it. It's hard for anyone who hasn't had a loss to get that it isn't over with emotionally just because the pregnancy is gone.

Mother Goose said...

Hugs and Kisses!!

Johanna said...

I was thinking about you, and so I decided to head over to your blog to see how thing have been going with you....I am so sorry you had to go through that. I know how much you love your little ones even the ones unborn. I am confident that this little one just needed to get his start and then return to heaven, he was already perfect and had more important work to do in there.

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